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Maintaining your relationship when trying to conceive

By Kate Davies, RN, BSc(Hons), FP Cert - Fertility Nurse

Experiencing difficulty in trying to conceive can have a profound effect on a couple’s relationship, and this is totally unique to the individual couple. I find that most couples are totally unprepared for the emotional upheaval and turbulence that can affect their relationship. However this emotional effect isn’t always negative.
 
 

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Some couples report that their relationship is affected positively both in how they now interact with each other emotionally but also the physical and intimate part of their relationship. Sadly however, one of the main reasons for the growing tensions in a relationship is sex and the changing dynamics of this intimate union.
 
Research shows that 56% of couples feel that their sex life has been affected by trying to conceive. The main cause of stress is that sex becomes ‘baby making’ sex and loses the intimate and loving nature that it had before.
 
Sex is often used subconsciously as a way of expressing and communicating our feelings with our partner. This also includes the more negative emotions of withholding sexual contact as a way of expressing feelings of anger, resentment or disappointment.
 
As well as our emotions playing a part in our relationship, physical aspects can interact too. Ironically at the time you need to be having the most sex, this might be the last thing you or your partner may feel like doing! Loss of libido can be due to many factors and can be interlinked with feelings of anxiety, depression and even the feeling that as you can’t conceive, having sex is pointless.
 
It’s obvious that to make a baby you need to be having regular sex; however you may be surprised just how many of my patients just are not having enough sex; I have no doubt that this is due to the pressure of trying to conceive. If you are concerned how much this stress is affecting your relationship, it’s important to seek help.
 
Your doctor may be able to refer you to a relationship counselor who can help get your relationship back on track. Below are some simple steps you can take now to put back the fun into your relationship and regain the intimacy you enjoyed when your relationship was all about just the two of you...
 

Revitalise your sex life

  • Identify why you think your or your partner’s libido has reduced since you started trying to conceive.
  • Keep the channels of communication open with your partner and take the time to discuss each other’s feelings around sex.
  • Make time for each other that doesn’t involve the bedroom. Enjoy one another’s company, hold hands, go on a date, be romantic and put the loving back into your relationship.
  • Try not to think about the mechanics of having sex as in, is this the right time / the right position? Try and enjoy the feelings of intimacy and the connection with your partner.
  • Mix up your life a bit as everyday work life and routine can be passion killers. Put the spontaneity back in your relationship. Book that mini break you have been considering.
  • Recreate situations that made you both feel romantic when you first met like a romantic candle light dinner, picnic in the park, or a bath together are lovely ideas.
  • Recognise the lovely little things that you do for each other on a day to day basis rather than dwelling on the disappointments and negative factors.

Book your FREE consultation with the OvuSense Fertility Nurse, Kate -  to assess your fertility potential, answer your burning fertility questions, get recommendations on how to optimize your fertility and have your charts analysed.

If you are an OvuSense customer you are entitled to a FREE 1 hour consult, if you are not currently using OvuSense you book a FREE 15 minute consultation. Consultations are held by Skype or Telephone. Don't see a time that suits you? Email Kate on kate.davies@fertility-focus.com